Why Angel Should Never Have Worn Black
by Frog Phobia
Summary: A drunk, depressed Angel causes trouble in a bar.


Disclaimer: The characters in this story aren't mine, they belong to the Fox Studio peoples. Well all of them except for me anyway, I belong to me, or I did last time I checked anyway!

Angel was feeling depressed. Very depressed. Even more depressed than usual. That, of course, makes him automatically depressed as he is always so moody. Well, I guess I would feel depressed too if I always wore black. If I was him I would wear more colours - blues, purples, redsbut that's not the point, the point is that Angel was feeling depressed. He had been feeling depressed for a long time. 200 years is a long time to feel depressed for. Of course, he had bouts where he felt just sad, time like when he saw the ballet, but this time was one of those times when he was depressed. 

The reason for this depression was the fact that he, like always, missed Buffy. He hated her for leaving him, causing him to sit in pubs in LA all alone at 2.00 in the morning when there were plenty of edible people outside.

"Hang on, didn't I leave her?" He thought to himself. He liked it better thinking that she left him. So he went on pretending in his little world where that sky was pink and pigs flew and where Buffy had left him because that gave him a reason to be depressed. He didn't like to think about the real reason. The fact that he had joined a cult where he had to give up everything he loved and go follow Cordelia wherever she went, which of course was LA, (I know that he didn't really follow Cordelia to LA, but it just sounded good) and sit in pubs at 2.00 in the morning waiting for something to happen so that he could save the world.

"At times like this I wish I was in Sunnydale" He thought (Angel does a lot of thinking in this story) "At least it hardly ever rains." It had rained everyday since he had come to LA. (Wow! Everyday, LA, it rhymes!) It was like living in Melbourne, but ten times worse. It served him right for moving to a place which didn't have Sunny' in its name. It actually served him right for always wearing black, but that's a whole other issue.

Angel rapped on the bench signalling the bar tender.

"I'llI'll wannanother beerr" He slurred.

"No mate! (note the bar tender is Australian. I just thought I'd shove in a sensitive new aged aussie bar tender) I think you've had enough, you've been here since sundown."

Angel got angry and put on his vampirey face. "I wannanother beer!" He slurred. "My life is going down the drain. I need my beer! It's my only friend in the world now that the most beautiful girl in the world has left me." He then started crying as a depressed, drunk Angel does. The bar tender leaned across and studied Angel's face. He then pulled out a book and flipped through it.

"Ooh, you're a vampire. I thought you guys only lived in Sunnydale. Oh well, shit happens."

There were Japanese tourists sitting next to Angel. Seeing it was a guy with a really weird face one of the tourists stood up and nudged his friend handing him his camera. He then stood next to Angel, flashed a cheesy grin as tourists do, and his friend snapped a picture. He did the same for his friend. But little did they know that when vampires have had a little too much to drink as our good friend (I know he isn't really, I myself can't stand him) Angel had they pass out if someone take's a photo of them. This is exactly what happened to Angel. So, one minute he was sitting on the bar stool crying and the next he had passed out on the floor. In the words of our friend the bar tender (I actually like this guy) shit happens!

"Phew!" the bartender guy said "He was at it again. That guy comes in here every night at sundown, get's drunk, and then persists in pouring his heart out to me about that Buffy character, then he leaves. It really pisses me off." (I can see where he is coming from. That is the EXACT reason why I don't watch Angel!)

Now, while Angel was unconscious on the ground, Loz (who is me, the author) walked into the bar. (I don't care if I am underage, I am the author and can do what I like) Seeing Angel lying unconscious on the ground she had an idea. She reached into her bag and pulled out a tutu which she had conveniently been carrying with her and dressed the unconscious Angel in it.

"He needs to wear more colour." She explained to the confused people around her. "He always wears black which is why he is so depressed." (You see, Loz has suddenly become a vampire counsellor) She then grabbed the connivently placed bucket of water from the bar table and poured it over Angel's head.

"Wakey wakies!"

Angel woke with a start. He got up wondering why everyone was staring at him and pointing and laughing. You see Angel wasn't very bright and didn't notice that he wasn't wearing the long, heavy black coat that he usually wore.

"It has suddenly got very cold" he said shivering and went to hug his coat tighter around him which was when he realised he didn't have his coat on. "Oh well, I must have accidentally put on my tutu today instead of my normal clothesmy TUTU!"

Angel then got very embarrassed as you do when you realise that you have accidentally worn a tutu to a bar in LA.

"Hang on I don't own a tutu" Angel started.

This is when vampire counsellor Loz turned into hypnotist Loz and pulled out one of those weird silver balls on the chains that hynotists carry around with them.

"You, are get-ting sllleeepy. Very, ve-ry slleeepy" Loz chanted. This whole process took a long while as Angel wouldn't look her in the eye as he was so embarrassed as you are when you are a guy wearing a pink tutu in an LA bar at 2.30 in the morning. When Loz finally got him to sleep she asked the people in the bar what they wanted her to make him do.

"Make him dance around singing We are the Champions'" a voice said. Loz turned around and noticed the voice had come from a very bitter Buffy who was standing there with her friend Willow. (who cares how they came from Sunnydale to LA at such a short time frame just at the right time, what matters is that they are here now and Buffy wants Angel to sing We are the Champions')

"You are to dance around singing We are the Champions'" Loz in her best hynotist commanding voice and snapped her fingers. As if by magic (which of course it was as I am not hypnotist) Angel jumped up and began singing and dancing in the way that only Angel can.

We are the Champions my friend,

and we'll keep on fighting till the end'

We are the Champions,

We are the Champions,

No time for losers, (funny, he does look like quite the loser in that tutu)

Coz we are the Champions,

Of the world!

"Wake" Loz commanded, she had had enough of Angel's singing. A happy singing Angel in a tutu is worse than a depressed one as Angel was once again.

"What the hell" he said scanning the crowd. Seeing Buffy her ran over to her forgetting that he looked like quite the idiot in his pink tutu.

"Buffy! What are you doing here? It is so good to see you!"

Buffy ignored him as you do when your ex-boyfriend comes over to you and hugs you while wearing a pink tutu, just after singing We are the Champions' and dancing very horribly. Remembering the tutu, Angel tried to explain himself.

"It isn't mine, really it isn't. I must have got abducted by aliens and they dressed me in a tutu."

"Very interesting." Fox Mulder said pulling out a notepad and pen and began to take notes. "Our ratings are dropping and we need something like this to boost them again."

"Yes, tell us about it" Scully prompted.

Buffy then pulled a stake from her belt and stabbed Angel in the back. 

"That's for making me have to wear that horrible ring in the second series. You barstard! It really didn't suit me! And it was second hand, I hate wearing second hand things!" 

So, all that was left of Angel was a pile of dust. Nobody bothered to scoop him up and put him in a jar for people to remember. Actually, nobody remembered him, Loz made sure of that. She destroyed all record of an Angel or Angelus. She didn't want future generations to be reminded of such a depressing character. Everybody had a party at the Bronze (even though it was in Sunnydale, and they were in LA) to celebrate Angel's death. The Aussie bartender sold his story to New Idea and became very rich and famous and got be driven around in a limo with a swimming pool and live in a huge mansion in New York with his poodle Chumpy. (who he left $200 million to when he died) Mulder and Scully spent the rest of their careers searching for the aliens that abduct humans and dress them in tutus. The Japanese tourists framed their picture of Angel and put it in their office just so they could tell their story about the man with the weird face'. A series was made about him which became the most successful sitcom ever (This is NOT the Angel spinoff, since it is Japanese anyway). Buffy and Willow went back to Sunnydale but seeing Angel in a tutu traumatised them, as it does, and they weren't able to work properly. In the end they joined Mulder and Scully in their quest for the tutu dressing aliens. Of course no aliens were ever found and in the end they all ended up in a mental institution, as you do when you start saying that there is aliens around that dress people in tutus. And Loz? Well, she just sat back and rested looking at all the uproar she had created and said it was good.

THE END


End file.
